More Good Than Bad
Last weekend my mom told me that Valor stated, “my mom is happy all the time,” which came as a shock to me. We have had our rough days (weeks, months?) over the past year. Grumpy attitudes, negativity, and tears. There have been countless days where Valor has declared, this is the worstest day ever!
Hearing that I am happy all the time causes me to pause and remember that we each have our viewpoints. Often I feel pulled in so many directions, but what I perceive is not always what Valor sees. So this prompted me to openly ask Valor, what his favorite and not-so-favorite things of the last year have been. Without thought, he said, “Favorite: spending time with you. Least favorite: school.” (Note: Virtual schooling is not for the faint of heart and I concur that this has been high on my list for least favorite too. Full story for another time, but one day, bored in class, Valor decided to cut his hair. It was not a good style.)
As a mom of a son who is old enough to understand what has been happening throughout the pandemic, there has been weight having to break bad news and trying to answer the unanswerable questions.
When will covid be over?
When will we get to go to the park again?
When can I see my friends?
Why do I have to do school on my laptop?
It was a tough day explaining to Valor before the school year stated that he wasn't going to be attending in person, but online. We told him it was to keep him healthy, safe, and to support our community in bringing covid to an end.
Some of his questions have been unanswerable amidst unsettledness and unknowns. Yet mixed with the hard questions have been ones of resilience. Acceptance of the current situation. Not bitterness.
Can we schedule a Zoom lunch with my friends?
Can I FaceTime Grammie?
Can I go swing in the backyard?
So when I review this last year, with Valor in mind, focused on the good (over the bad), I see that this year has been a time for learning, exploration, and maturation, even though it's been completely different than I anticipated for him. Valor was supposed to start at a new school this year yet he has been attending Virtual Academy. Instead of meeting new friends and having play dates, he has met friends through a screen and schedules lunch dates on Zoom. He has had time to bond with his little brother, play outside, hone his drawing skills with YouTube videos, discover independence, and build out many of the ideas that are continuously flowing from his brain (I affectionately call him my Idea Man).
In the past 12 months, I’ve spent a lot of time talking with Valor about learning to have a great day (it’s our choice) and fostering gratitude. Focusing on the bright side will help him overcome stressors, buffer problems, and guide him toward a more fulfilling life. So in this difficult year, I hope that I’ve nurtured roots and the belief that there is always more good than bad. Yes, sometimes we have to look for it, but it is there. Look for silver linings.
“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”
